Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Watching From the Backseat

I have six children, three from my first marriage, two lovely step daughters and one more blessing, Abby, that Jason and I share together. I love all my children. The love is equal but different, as each of their personalities are different and unique.

While each child is loved the same amount, it is Dillon who I have loved the longest. He was MY first. On each other child I didn't experience each first as a parent. My first diaper change, my first fever in a child, my first day of taking a child to school, and all those other many firsts that I was learning just as much as he was. Hopefully his siblings have benefitted from my "learning" and while I have made my share of mistakes, I'm hoping that the love and desire to do well, has overshadowed any missteps along the way.

He is my first teenager too. This brings a whole new dimension to parenting. There is a very tricky balancing act, allowing him to grow up when he believes he is already grown, but I know there is still a long way to go. There is the learning to let go, as I can't grow up FOR him, and he has to make his own mistakes, even though it's as painful for me to watch them being made as the parent as for him as he's making them.

The process is ironic, because at the same time he is learning to drive, he is also taking the wheel in his own life. I have two choices in this process. I can either cringe with each mile and hold my breath waiting for us to hit the ditch, worrying and stressing out. Or, I can take peace with what I've taught him about good driving so far, guide him as needed but take a deep breath and trust him (and God) with the steering wheel. Either way, he's going to get where he needs to go, I just want the trip to be one that we can both remember as a good one.

To read about other things people are grateful for, head to Heavenly Homemakers for more GratiTuesday.


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