Being a Step-mother

We all grew up hearing the fairy tales about the wicked, evil "stepmother". When I married my husband, he already had two daughters. I was so nervous about being someone's "stepmother", especially since I had my own experience with step-parents growing up and it wasn't so great. I was so lucky though, that when I met his girls, they made it so easy to form our own relationship that it's easy to forget about the "step" part. So the only steps in our house now...are the ones that go up the stairs.

I never forget, though, as much as I love these kids that these girls already have a mom. And I try to honor that relationship. I would never try to replace the girl's mothers, just as I wouldn't want my ex-husband's wife to try to replace me as their mom either. A child can never have too many people who care about them though. And my heart would not seem nearly so full without Rachel and Kera in it. I'll talk to you this week about Rachel and how she is such a blessing to my life.

Rachel is graduating this Sunday from the 8th grade. Next year, she will be a high school student. She is the same age as my daughter Shelby, only Shelby was born in February and Rachel is an October baby from the year before. Rachel never lets her forget that she's four months older!

Rachel is extremely good-natured. She's always got something to be laughing about and many times it's herself. Yes, she's one of those rare people who's unafraid to be goofy. She doesn't know how far ahead of the game that puts her already!

You can see from her picture that she's gorgeous. Just like all the other kids in our house. Aren't we lucky?

Rachel has a giving spirit that I wish would rub off sometimes. If there's ever something I need help with, Rachel is the first one to help. Some of our best times have been in the kitchen baking cookies or making pies. She's a great sister and an even better daughter. I am so lucky to have this life with Rachel in it.

For more Grati-Tuesday, please go visit Heavenly Homemakers.


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Tough Cowboy

This past weekend my husband, kids and I traveled to my father's house in Oklahoma for Round Up. We stayed all weekend to work cows with the rest of my family and our good friends. However, Dillon had a pretty rough time of it this weekend.

It was raining all weekend, so things were wet and muddy while the cattle were worked. On Saturday in the first couple of hours, while working on the heifers, my dad hollered at anyone not at the chute to get over the fence. They were about to work a mean cow and when she got out, she would come out fighting.

Dillon started over the fence and heard a noise behind him, so he turned to look. When he turned to look, his left foot slipped on the wet fence. As he started to fall, his right foot got stuck in the fence and his knee popped out of socket. When he was falling, the dislocation only became more extreme, so when his foot let loose and he made it to the ground, he was laying there with a severely dislocated kneecap.

Thankfully my dad hadn't let that cow loose yet, but she was banging and snorting and trying to get out of the chute while Dillon was laying, leg distorted, on the ground. If she had gotten out there would have been no choice but to quickly throw Dillon over the fence, injury and all, to keep him from being mauled by the cow.

Someone hollered at me to come running and when I got there I saw Dillon on the ground, surrounded by people staring at a leg twisted all wrong, an empty socket where the knee should be and his kneecap floating around on the exterior side of his calf. Dillon was in excrutiating pain. Luckily (I guess) I have dealt with bad knees my whole life, mine pop out on occasion as well, so I knew what to do. I talked to my cousin and asked her to stabilize the kneecap and as I straighten the leg, it should pop right in, but guide it if it needs help. So I grabbed the leg and we did it.

We put him on large piece of plywood that someone found in the barn, and carried him out of the lot, and to an SUV. He laid down in the back and I had my oldest daughter, Shelby, get back there with him to stabilize the leg for the 18 miles to the hospital. I showed her how to hold it and where not to, strapped Abby (my four yr old) in and then got behind the wheel and drove.

When we got to the hospital, they x-rayed it, gave him a brace to wear for the next few weeks, and crutches. They said we should see our doctor here in Kansas when we got back (we have an appointment tomorrow) and that we should get a referral to an osteopath. We are supposed to ice every 2 hours for 20 minutes and he can't put any weight on it (not that he would!).

Would you believe this is a picture AFTER the swelling is starting to go down? It's less swollen than this today thank goodness and he actually slept last night. So it will get better from here.

It really was a good weekend, all this part aside, but I am so grateful this is over. I think even as bad as it was, with that cow where she was, it could have been even worse. So I'm making this post part of Grati-Tuesday @ Heavenly Homemakers.

GratiTuesday: A Healthy Child

I know that many of us have been praying for Stellan and his family. The latest news is Stellan was discharged from the hospital on Monday and they were staying in a hotel getting ready to go back home. A collective sigh can be heard all over bloggy land from those of us who didn't even realize we were holding our breath. ahhhhhhhhhh

I, for one, have been watching this story unfold remembering my own experience of having an infant in intensive care. My youngest son, Tucker had a very speedy delivery. There is a reason that our labors with these babies take as long as they do. As the baby is emerging through the birth canal, the pelvic bone is squeezing all that excess fluid from our babies lungs...at least that's how it's supposed to work.

Tucker was born so quickly that his lungs were brimming with fluid when he took his first breath. With that first breath, like a balloon filled too full of air, his lung sprung a leak. This is called a spontaneous pneumo thorax. While the one working lung labored to give him the necessary air, it too had excess fluid, and popped from the effort of breathing. So for a few seconds (which seemed like hours) Tucker had no lungs that were working. The doctors and nurses feverishly worked to put in chest tubes on both sides and my brand new baby had to be life-flighted (emergency helicoptered) to a large neonatal intensive care facility that could better handle his needs.

This is a picture of Tucker an hour after his birth, just before Life-Flight arrived to take him to St. Francais.


He was in St. Francais for his first month of life. He had tubes seemingly coming from every uncovered inch of his body. He underwent a couple of surgeries during his stay, as secondary conditions emerged throughout that month. He was on a respirator when he quit breathing completely the second week that he was there. And the entire time (until the last few days of his stay), his father and I were being told that he might not make it.

I remember the births of my children and their first days with such pleasure, except for Tucker's. His was an entirely different experience. The memory of staying by his side at St Francais, or at the Ronald McDonald house next door to shower or nap, all seems to be under a fog. I was sleepwalking through a bad dream and even the memory now, eleven years later still seems so surreal. I cannot even put into the words the victorious feeling...the rapture, when Tucker nursed for the first time. Being taken off all machines except for his IV only moments before I was allowed to pick him up and carry him into the nursing room. It was a positively life affirming experience. I remember thinking "He conquered death as a mere infant, God has big plans for this one."

And I'm sure that he still does. Tucker is now eleven years old and he will turn twelve in June. He's the most sensitive of my children and he displays a definate zest for life. He has a beautiful laugh, infectious to anyone who's around. He truly cares about his family and his friends.

The boy is a charmer.

So on this day when Stellan is released to go home, I share a special victory sigh with his mother. Relief, Respect for God and life, and a newfound and intensified appreciation for all our blessings. I truly understand the emotional journey she's had, and I wish her all the luck that I've had with my own ICU baby.


For more Grati-Tuesday, visit Heavenly Homemakers

Shelby

Over the last few Grati-Tuesday's I've been introducing my children. This week I'd like to talk about my daughter Shelby and why I'm so grateful to have her in my life.

Shelby is my middle child from my first marriage. From my first marriage I have three children a boy, 15, Shelby, who is 14, and a boy 11. My husband has two daughters (my stepdaughters) 14 and 9 and he and I have together our last child, Abigail who just turned four.

Shelby is beautiful on the inside and out. She is smart, funny, talented and she has true compassion for others. You may have heard me talk about how smart she is before, when I blogged about her winning the essay contest, but she also has the good common sense which is so hard to find in a teenager. I don't worry about her making so many of the mistakes that some of her friends might. And she doesn't follow the crowd. She will lead, or make her own path, but she is not a follower. That fact alone makes me tremendously proud of her.

Shelby is funny. If you walk into a room and Shelby is there, you won't have any trouble spotting her. She's the one rolling with laughter or looking at you with a big contagious grin. Even her eyes smile when she's talking to you.

Shelby is talented. She has a beautiful singing voice. For the last two years she's gone on a choir trip to Dallas to sing. She's also a gymnast, a good dancer and a cheerleader.

Shelby is the one in the front row, on the left.

The thing that I have been most proud of Shelby for though, during all these years, is her compassion.

There are many examples of her compassion, but I will give you just one. In second grade there was a girl who all the other girls in her class avoided. Her teacher, Mrs. Hogan, told me that Shelby was extremely popular with the other children in her class and when times came to pick a partner for something, Shelby usually had her choice of partners who wanted to work with her. But Shelby would always look to the lonely girl, and make sure she had a partner or be her partner herself. She watched out for this girl on the playground and would not let other's be mean to her in her presence. We were invited to this child's birthday party, as all the children in class were. Only Shelby and one other child attended. The girl's mother was obviously worried about her daughter's feelings. I talked with her during the party in her kitchen and she discussed how she worried about how her daughter wasn't fitting in with the other children. She told me, however, that she was so glad that we had come. Her daughter had told her all through the year about Shelby's many kindness' and as long as Shelby came, she thought her daughter was going to have a good birthday. And they did. Even though there were only three girls at this birthday, it was a great party with lots of giggling.

Of all the things that make Shelby wonderful and beautiful, smart and talented, it is her compassion that makes me so proud that sometimes I feel I could just burst.

So on this Grati-Tuesday, as every day, I am thankful for all my children and their wonderful qualities. They each have unique gifts and they all make me proud. But today I would like to recognize Shelby and her wonderful compassion.

To see what other's are recognizing this Grati-Tuesday, please visit Heavenly Homemakers

Watching From the Backseat

I have six children, three from my first marriage, two lovely step daughters and one more blessing, Abby, that Jason and I share together. I love all my children. The love is equal but different, as each of their personalities are different and unique.

While each child is loved the same amount, it is Dillon who I have loved the longest. He was MY first. On each other child I didn't experience each first as a parent. My first diaper change, my first fever in a child, my first day of taking a child to school, and all those other many firsts that I was learning just as much as he was. Hopefully his siblings have benefitted from my "learning" and while I have made my share of mistakes, I'm hoping that the love and desire to do well, has overshadowed any missteps along the way.

He is my first teenager too. This brings a whole new dimension to parenting. There is a very tricky balancing act, allowing him to grow up when he believes he is already grown, but I know there is still a long way to go. There is the learning to let go, as I can't grow up FOR him, and he has to make his own mistakes, even though it's as painful for me to watch them being made as the parent as for him as he's making them.

The process is ironic, because at the same time he is learning to drive, he is also taking the wheel in his own life. I have two choices in this process. I can either cringe with each mile and hold my breath waiting for us to hit the ditch, worrying and stressing out. Or, I can take peace with what I've taught him about good driving so far, guide him as needed but take a deep breath and trust him (and God) with the steering wheel. Either way, he's going to get where he needs to go, I just want the trip to be one that we can both remember as a good one.

To read about other things people are grateful for, head to Heavenly Homemakers for more GratiTuesday.

Abigail

I am a mother of six. I have three children from my first marriage, a 15 yr old boy, a 14 yr old girl and an 11 yr old boy. I also have two stepdaughters who are 14 and 9. All of those ages are close together, which makes it nice for them to forge strong bonds between them. They can share clothes, listen to the same music, get together with the same group of friends, etc.

Then there is Abby. She was born when the youngest of our children was six, and the oldest one was 12. She is different from the other children in that she is just starting the preschool age, when most of them are starting their teenage years. That's a really big difference.

It's really different for me too. Just when I thought that time of my life was over, it wasn't. I experienced diapers, nursing, midnight feedings, and all the baby stuff all over again. But this time it was different. I was older. My other children had been very close together and it was ALOT of work when they were babies. This time, I had just one baby when I already knew exactly what I was doing. And this time I knew just exactly how fast it was all going to be over. So I have relished every second of Abby's growing. I do not mean it to sound as though I didn't or don't appreciate the moments I've spent with my other children, because I do. Each child is special and gives you their own unique memories, each have their own special bond to you. If you are a mother and you're reading this, you know exactly what I mean.

But because of the age gap, I have had time to grow as a person myself. I've gotten some maturity, some perspective, and I'm a different mother for Abby than I was able to be for my older children. I appreciate the moments more. I don't sweat the small stuff. Even colds are greeted with a different attitude than I had years ago. I know these moments are fleeting. There will be a day when Abby won't want to sit on my lap. I won't have her company in the kitchen, and she won't beg to be my helper. Right now, she wants to be wherever I am, in a few years, she will be begging to be ANYWHERE I'm not. She'll want to be with her friends, not her mother. She will never think I'm as funny as she does now. She will never think I'm as beautiful as she does now. She will never be as close to me as she is now. And while it does make me happy to think I will be able to use the bathroom by myself again at some point, I will be sad to lose my best friend. Because I know that for a few years, somewhere between middle school and adulthood, I will love her with all my heart but she will have to let me go a little, to find who she is for herself. And because of the gap of my children's ages, I know all this. I know that it's coming. So for right now, while she's still in my lap, I am grateful.

To read about other things people are grateful for, head to Heavenly Homemakers and read all the Gratituesday links.